


When I Grow Up

by orphan_account



Category: Penn & Teller RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:41:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21666922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Relationships: Penn Jillette/Teller (Magician)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	When I Grow Up

Penn stared at the man who called himself Teller.

He knew he was staring creepily but... he had never felt what he was feeling at that moment. He stared helplessly.

The man who called himself Teller had just swallowed needles and spat them back out on a thread.

But that wasn't all he'd done.

He had swallowed needles, spat them back out on a thread, and made it look _beautiful_.

Penn had not been expecting this. Swallowing sharp objects was a carnie trick. This was no carnie trick.

Penn had come to that performance to see a friend of a friend perform magic tricks. He'd seen this man called Teller before; their mutual friend Weir had hired Teller to help him with the music/comedy show he put on. Teller dressed like a blind man, spoke Latin and sold pencils to people in the audience. Penn wasn't sure why any of it was necessary but he had been intrigued enough to come check this guy's magic show out.

Penn didn't know very much about Teller besides what he'd observed from afar and a few things Weir had told him. Teller was 25 and Penn was 18. Teller was a high school teacher and Penn was a high school student. Teller was a scholar and Penn was a juggler. Teller was tiny and Penn was huge. Teller was silent and Penn was loud. Teller was totally alien to Penn.

But Teller had just turned a carnie trick into art and Penn had never connected more deeply with another human being than he did at that moment.

Penn had been teaching himself the ways of the carnie for years now. He'd been juggling since he was a little kid, but not just idly juggling, _devotedly_ juggling. He wasn't just doing it for amusement... he wanted to take juggling higher. He wanted to show people something they'd never seen before...

He wanted to do what this man called Teller was doing.

The show ended and everyone clapped for Teller, but Penn was still in a daze, sitting there staring. People began to leave and Teller began to gather his belongings.

Penn shot up out of his seat and strode up to Teller.

"Hey," he said with a wide grin, "that was _wicked_ cool, man!"

Teller turned to look up at him, raising an eyebrow. "Thanks," he said quietly before turning back to his stuff. Penn frowned, hoping he hadn't put Teller off.

"I mean, uh... I've never seen anything like that, seriously," he went on. "I hate magic. But I didn't hate what you did."

Teller turned back to him, eyebrow raised higher now. He looked Penn over, then looked back into his eyes with a small smile. "You hate magic?"

"Yeah it's always cheesy as hell to me... but this wasn't. This was... beautiful," replied Penn, smiling back.

Teller's smile widened. "Thank you," he said with sincere gratitude in his voice. "You're Weir's friend, right? The juggler?"

"Yeah, I have a name too," joked Penn.

Teller laughed. "Sorry... what's your name?"

"Penn."

"What's your first name?"

"That's my first name."

"Oh," said Teller, smiling. "Interesting first name."

"What about you, what's your first name?"

"Don't have one."

Penn scoffed. "Bullshit. What is it?"

Teller studied Penn seriously. "You want to know my name?"

"Yeah."

A sinister smile crept over Teller's face. "Belial," he said.

Penn frowned again. "Belial?"

Teller took a step closer to Penn. "A fairer person lost not heaven... but all was false and hollow," continued Teller, smiling and advancing on Penn. "His tongue dropped manna, and could make the worse appear the better reason, to perplex and dash maturest counsels."

Penn didn't back away. "What the fuck is all that supposed to mean?"

"Pleased to meet you," said Teller sweetly, holding out his hand to shake. "Hope you guessed my name."

A slow grin spread over Penn's face. "Call me Lucifer, 'cause I'm in need of some restraint," he said in answer, taking Teller's hand and shaking it gently. "So you're the devil, huh?"

"So I've been told," replied Teller with a grin.

"Same here," said Penn. He let go of Teller's hand reluctantly... it felt wonderful in his. "I know that last line was the Stones but what was all that shit about tongues and manna?"

"It's from Paradise Lost," answered Teller.

"You and Weir... with your fucking college hive mind," said Penn, shaking his head in distaste. Teller laughed.

"You should read it sometime, the devil is actually the hero of the story. Way better written than the fucking bible."

Penn surveyed the smaller, older man before him. The more he learned of this man, the more a mystery he became to Penn. "You... are one weird motherfucker," he said with tremendous fondness in his voice, and Teller gave him an angelic smile.

~

"When I grow up I wanna be a fag."

Teller threw his head back and laughed loudly. "What the fuck?"

"I'm serious," insisted Penn. "I wanna be a fag. A fire-eating, knife-juggling, unicycle-riding, sideshow fag."

Teller grinned. "Well, you have most of that stuff covered already."

"Yup. Now I just need to start fucking guys."

Teller's eyes swept over him quickly and then away with a smile. Penn looked at the man sitting next to him in the room backstage. They were waiting to do their show with Weir; Weir was elsewhere. Weir was always elsewhere.

Penn was shirtless with a sheet tied around his neck, wearing tiny shorts and mismatched shoes. Teller wore a tight-fitting black shirt and black tights with ragged leather boots. His hair was an explosion of golden brown frizz. Penn grinned.

"Have you ever fucked a guy?"

Teller blushed furiously. "Um... no," he answered with his eyes fixed on the floor. Penn took this in and softened his tone.

"You like men though, right?" he asked, smiling when Teller raised his eyes nervously to Penn's.

Teller hesitantly smiled back. "Yeah," he answered quietly, eyes flitting over Penn's features.

"Lucky bastard, why can't I be a fag too?"

Teller laughed warmly. "You seem pretty satisfied with women."

"I don't know if I'd say that," replied Penn. "I like fucking women but I don't know if I'm satisfied by that." He looked back at Teller and saw Teller's gaze pointed at his crotch. Teller looked up at him and blushed again, deeper this time. Penn pursed his lips on a smile.

He brought his hand up to Teller's back, letting the backs of his fingers dance up over Teller's spine through the thin fabric of his shirt. Teller's eyes were wide open and locked onto Penn's.

Penn's eyes flickered over Teller's face as his fingers lazily stroked the small of Teller's back. "You kinda look like Lou Reed," he murmured. "But sexier."

Their eyes still locked, Teller's lips parted in invitation.

And suddenly Weir was yelling that it was showtime and Teller had left to join him. Penn sighed, leaned forward and put his face in his hands.

When the show was over, he left without saying goodbye to Teller.

Penn didn't know what the fuck he was doing... didn't know what it was he wanted. Sometimes he wanted women. Sometimes he wanted men. He really liked Teller. But did he really _want_ Teller... he didn't know.

~

"Holy fuck, this is like... a trillion times better than pussy."

Penn barely managed to get the words out through his mouthful of spaghetti. Teller grinned wide.

"I'd agree but me saying something is better than pussy is kind of meaningless," said Teller, and Penn laughed before shoveling more food into his mouth.

Penn was living in New York City now and Teller had driven up from New Jersey to see him. When he found out that Penn was living on junk food, he insisted on taking Penn out to dinner.

Penn wasn't sure if this was a date. He was too fucking hungry to care.

He practically floated out of the restaurant, high on good food. He invited Teller up to the apartment Penn was sharing with his friend and friend's girlfriend; the friend and girlfriend were both out somewhere.

They sat and talked for a while, filling each other in on what was going on in their lives. Penn was still juggling. Teller was still teaching. Penn thought this a shame... although Teller was an amazing teacher, he knew that Teller's true talent lay in magic. But Teller wasn't making enough money with magic so he kept on teaching.

Penn remembered the time he'd visited Teller at the high school where he taught. The students loved him, but of course they did, how could they not? Penn wished he'd had teachers like Teller. He might have actually graduated high school.

Penn also remembered how turned on he'd been watching Teller teach the class. Also something he wished he'd experienced in his own high school.

It was time for Teller to go and Penn walked with him to the door of the apartment. "Thanks for the food, man," he said, voice soft and grateful. And somewhat sad.

Teller smiled up at him. "You're welcome," he replied. Also somewhat sad.

Then Penn realized that he needed to kiss Teller. So he did.

For a few seconds Teller did nothing. Then his eyes slowly closed, his lips opened, his hand slid up behind Penn's head, and he kissed Penn back.

Their lips broke apart and in a strained voice Teller whispered, "You'd better not change your fucking mind this time."

Penn responded by kissing him ferociously.

Teller's fingers coiled themselves in Penn's hair, his tongue diving deep into Penn's mouth as he let out a low hungry moan. Penn moaned even more hungrily into Teller's mouth.

He lifted Teller up and pinned him to the wall. Teller's legs went around his waist and Teller grinned against his mouth when he felt how painfully hard Penn already was. He tightened his legs around Penn's waist, pulling their hips together.

"Fuck," Penn breathed, rocking forwards against Teller. Both men's breath hitched at that. Penn had never been so hard in his life... and after only a few seconds of kissing someone. He could feel that Teller was just as turned on as he was.

Teller suddenly pushed him away and Penn stumbled in surprise. Then he found himself being dragged into his bedroom and towards his bed.

Penn let Teller push him down onto it. He stared up at Teller, his cock straining desperately at his jeans. Teller stared back at him... his eyes were black with lust. He pulled his shirt up and off. Penn didn't even have time to look at Teller's naked upper body before Teller was on top of him and kissing him hard.

"You sadistic fuck," Teller hissed at Penn's mouth, ripping off Penn's belt and beginning to work off his jeans. "Do you know... how many nights of _torture_... you have put me through?" The expression on Teller's face was one of fury and ecstasy. Penn wondered if he should be scared... but all he could be was wicked horny.

He ran his hands up Teller's sides... he loved the softness of Teller's skin, the feel of Teller's lithe little body... he devoured it with his hands. Teller meanwhile was pulling Penn's jeans down.

Penn then flipped them over, kneeling between Teller's legs, and Teller grinned at him again. Penn pulled his shirt off and Teller sighed at the sight of Penn's powerful body, running his hands over any part of it that he could reach.

Penn grabbed Teller's hips and rolled him onto his stomach. He ripped Teller's pants down off his legs, exposing Teller's ass. His cock twitched at the sight... his heart pounded furiously... dear god, how he had been wanting this. And how afraid he was, now that it was right here in front of him...

He leaned down over Teller's back, kissed the back of Teller's neck. Teller moaned quietly and lifted his hips, pressing his ass against Penn's groin. "Fuck me, Penn," Teller whispered, voice quaking. Penn's cock twitched again.

Penn could feel that Teller was afraid too. "Is this your first time?" he whispered and Teller nodded. Penn had never been with a guy before but he knew what it involved. He needed lube.

He reached over to his nightstand and grabbed a bottle of lube from the drawer. Teller's knees spread apart in anticipation. With shaking hands, Penn smeared the lube over his cock, gently pumping his hand over himself. Teller looked back over his shoulder to watch, groaning softly at the sight and lifting his hips invitingly.

Penn lowered himself down on top of Teller and Teller arched back against him. Penn smiled and thrust against Teller gently, making them both moan. Penn's mouth descended on Teller's neck, kissing, biting, sucking, and Teller writhed with pleasure beneath him, moaning his name.

Penn got himself into position, the tip of his cock pressing into the cleft of Teller's ass. He wrapped one hand around Teller's slender hip... and began to press inside.

He hadn't even got the tip inside before Teller's hands were fisting in the sheets. His body instinctively squirmed away from Penn's. His face was buried in the mattress, muffling his pained whimpers. Penn's brow knitted with worry.

"Are you _sure_ you want this?" he whispered into Teller's ear, nuzzling it. He didn't know what he was going to do if Teller said no. He needed this like he'd never needed anything before in his life...

"Please," Teller whispered back, voice ragged, sliding his hand over Penn's where it rested on his hip. "Just... keep going."

Penn's mouth fell to Teller's neck again and he continued to push inside of Teller. He sank his teeth into Teller's neck, trying to distract Teller from the pain Penn knew he was feeling as Penn's cock speared into him.

The neck-biting seemed to help; there was still pain in Teller's whimpers but less of it now, and there was a lustier tinge to them. A bit of the way inside, Penn began to thrust in and out, pressing deeper with each thrust. His mouth broke away from Teller's neck... he groaned Teller's name as he began to move faster, his breath coming in gasps, and Teller's whimpers dissolved into guttural moans. Teller's hands were still fisted in the sheets but for an entirely different reason now.

Penn's hands gripped the sheets as well as he slammed deep inside of Teller. He felt that beautiful feeling building inside him... Teller's hips were coming up to meet his thrusts...

Penn's head fell onto Teller's shoulder, he gave a final thrust, and with a deep groan he came inside of Teller. Teller let out a choked moan and the muscles surrounding Penn's cock contracted as Teller came as well.

Penn laughed breathlessly, laying soft kisses along Teller's shoulder. He gently pulled out and collapsed beside Teller with a deep sigh.

"_Definitely_ better than pussy," he said with a grin. Teller turned his head towards Penn, a sultry smile spreading over his face.

~

"I'm going to go visit my parents."

Penn frowned at this statement of Teller's. "Uh... okay then. Seeya."

"Not right now," laughed Teller, curling up against Penn, still somewhat out of breath. "Next weekend."

Penn gave him a confused smile. "Okay... why are you telling me?"

"So you can be insanely jealous of me going to Philly while you're stuck in this podunk town."

Penn laughed. "Yup. I'm jealous as shit."

They laid there in silence a minute, letting their heartbeats regain a normal pace. Penn's hand drifted up and down along Teller's side and Teller's lips dropped soft kisses over Penn's chest.

"I want you to come with me," whispered Teller.

Penn frowned at him again, more deeply now. "You want me to come with you to visit your parents?" Teller nodded.

"As a friend?"

Teller smiled crookedly up at him. "More than a friend," he murmured, kissing Penn's chest again and dancing his fingers down Penn's naked body.

It had been a few weeks since they'd first had sex. And they'd had sex _many_ times since then... god, just feeling Teller touch his body like this was so incredibly sexy to Penn. He could feel himself getting hard again and it hadn't even been five minutes since they fucked.

But he wasn't sure whether he wanted to call this a _relationship_. He'd never had one of those. He didn't know how to handle them. He didn't know how to handle Teller's parents.

Sex had always just been sex to Penn. Nothing more.

He sighed and rolled on top of Teller. "I'll think about it," he murmured before lowering his mouth to Teller's in a hungry kiss.

~

She looked sweeter than candy... Penn's mouth watered with hunger.

The girl looked about his age (although he looked much older than his age)... she wore glittering platform shoes which made her almost as tall as Penn, metallic tights, a flowing shimmering hippie dress and countless clinking bracelets and necklaces. Her hair was vivid pink and her lips were silvery purple. She looked back at him, eyes flashing underneath metallic blue eyeshadow, and smiled invitingly.

It wasn't too long after that before they were in one of the club's bathroom stalls, her legs around his waist and his mouth on her neck.

Penn lifted up her dress, kissing her breasts... and although this felt as wonderful as it always had to Penn... as he kissed this girl, he felt something else as well... something he had never felt before while kissing someone's tits.

He felt sad.

And he wanted Teller.

The music playing in the club pounded through him. _When we're miles apart, you still reach my heart, how I looooooove yooooooouuuu._

The realization settled into him fully and he backed away from the girl, ignoring her protests and unable to look in her eyes, then he stormed out of the club.

"You NO-FIRST-NAME-HAVING MOTHERFUCKER!!" he screamed at the sky. The people around him ignored him with a determination only New Yorkers could have.

He made his way back to his apartment. His friend and his friend's girlfriend were still back at the club so he was alone.

After much internal debate, he called Teller and asked him to come up to the city as soon as he could. Teller agreed to leave immediately.

When Teller arrived, Penn forced him up against the wall, kissing him more passionately than he ever had. Teller, surprised but delighted, kissed him back just as passionately.

Penn pulled Teller into the bedroom, his lips never leaving Teller's for a second. They laid down on the bed naked and Penn looked down at Teller beneath him... Teller looked back up at him, smiling beautifully.

Penn bowed his head and kissed Teller softly, slowly, and trailed kisses down Teller's neck, over his heart, down his stomach...

He looked up at Teller with uncertainty. Teller looked down at him with eyes full of love.

His heart swelled and he smiled up at Teller before taking Teller's cock into his mouth, sucking on it softly. Teller moaned his name, his fingers sliding into Penn's hair.

Penn drew back, licking along the length of Teller's cock before continuing his trail of kisses over Teller's hip and inner thigh, giving Teller's thigh a gentle bite. His hands continued this worship of Teller's body, playing down Teller's legs, and then he lifted those legs up to rest on his shoulders.

He lubed himself and leaned down to kiss Teller as he slid inside of him. Teller's fingers curled into his hair and Teller moaned into his mouth, his arms, his legs, his whole body and his whole being gently enclosing Penn, and Penn let himself fall, no longer afraid.

"I'll go with you," Penn whispered afterwards, spooning up against Teller, his nose buried in Teller's hair.

"Go where?"

"To see your parents."

Although he couldn't see Teller's face, somehow Penn could feel him smiling. Teller's fingers laced into his where they rested in front of Teller's stomach.

"They're gonna kick us both out of the house though. It's one thing to hear your son is gay, another thing to hear he's fucking an 18-year-old sideshow freak."

Teller laughed softly. "They're not gonna kick us out. They're gonna love you," he whispered, lifting Penn's hand up to his mouth to kiss it gently.

Penn smiled into Teller's hair and kissed the back of his neck.

"_Oh to live on... Sugar Mountain... with the barkers and the colored balloons_," he sang softly into Teller's skin. "_You can't be twenty... on Sugar Mountain... though you're thinkin' that you're leaving there too soon..._"

~  
A/N: Thank you to John Milton, the Rolling Stones, Slade, and Neil Young for writing such awesome shit which I have humbly borrowed in writing this little story about fucking.


End file.
